by Keeva Murphy
I was once happy. I had a family a home and was earning money. I lived with my wife, two daughters and my son. We were a happy family. We lived on the outskirts of a city. Our favourite time of year was Christmas. About 4 weeks before Christmas my family and I would go and chop down our Christmas tree at the local Christmas tree farm and then would go and buy new decorations. We have a star that my grandmother passed down to me when she passed away. It was silver,white with gold spots on each on each of the arms. The centre of the star has always been my favourite. It was a picture of me as a young boy sitting on my grandmothers lap. I was an only child all my life so I never knew what it was like to have a brother or sister. I lived with my mother and father and grandmother. My grandmother moved in when my grandfather died . I was only a few years old so I have no memory of him. My grandmother and I were very close, we did a lot together. When I was 29 years old she sadly passed away. The day I was handed that star I felt as though a part of my grandmother was returned to me. I always put it on the top of the tree. I loved Christmas , but this year just wasn’t the same. The tree looked off, the decorations didn’t look right, the star looked out of place and I just wasn’t in the mood for Christmas. One night as I lay in bed I had a vision. It was of me walking, in the snow , with nothing but a scruffy jumper and a pare of old sacklike fabric trousers. I didn’t know where I was. It was an unfamiliar setting. I sat up. Gasping for air in horror. I looked out my window, it was snowing. That usually calms me down but today it made me worse. It made my vision feel real. The next day as I was eating my breakfast I got a call. It was from my boss, he was letting me go. My boss fired me 3 weeks before Christmas . I had no money and our mortgage money was due this week. I noticed that in that week I became a lot more sad,angry and was drinking a lot. I went to a therapist to try and she diagnosed with depression . My wife and I had a lot more fights after that. I started getting aggressive. She told me to get out of the house and to never come back. So I ran. As fast as I could. I had nowhere to go, the only place I could stay was on the corner out side the bakery, all I would smell was fresh Christmas cookies. I was always happy at Christmas but that smell of cookies made me want to scream. I haven’t seen my wife since . And I still hate Christmas. I’m never going back. Never.