by Grace Holmes

Why? That’s the only word that I am thinking right now, why? Why did this have to happen. The only reason I can ever be happy is her. She was my best friend! No, she is my best friend. I stare at her blank face, no expression, no nothing. Just her pale face, her eyes shut closed, maybe never to open again. No, I need to stay positive. There’s no one else, nowhere else I can go. I look at her, wondering will she ever wake up and if she does will she be the same person? The same loving, caring person she always was. She was my one and only friend, what will happen to me if she goes? I listen to the sound of the beeps. They’re the only thing keeping me going, just knowing that that’s her heartbeat, that’s my mum.

The doctors have been telling me I should go home but I don’t listen to them, they don’t realise, there is no one else, no one, not even a friend. They asked me if I have a dad, I lie and said yes. They began to get suspicious because he never came to see her but I told them he worked a lot. It’s just my mum and me, I don’t have any friends and neither does my mum, we live for each other. Ever since my dad died two years ago we just haven’t communicated with the outside world. He was sick for a while, I knew it was coming but when it did come, I didn’t know how to cope. I spent a whole year just staring out windows wondering where my life would go from here, my mum was the only person who understood so we became best friends.

The doctor has just walked in, he’s checking her heart rate. I must look a mess, I’ve just been crying, I can’t deal with another loss, not another. “Are you ok?” the doctor asks in his monotone voice. I don’t like this doctor, he’s cold and he’s always really rough with my mum. I always insist on helping with minding her, I don’t think she’d like a stranger doing that. Even though the nurses say I shouldn’t bother I still clean her everyday, I don’t want her waking up and smelling awful. “I’m fine” I whisper, I don’t want this doctor to know how I really feel. “Listen Charlie, I know you want to be with your mum but you should go home.” he says for the 100th time. I don’t reply, he knows my response. After begging the nurses for a couple of days they put in a mattress on the floor of the room for me to lie on beside mum.

Once the doctor has left I climb into my bed. All that’s going through my mind is that I have to get mum to wake up so we can go home. If she was going to pass, she’d want to be at home, in her bed, lying beside me. There hasn’t been one sign of life from her in the whole two weeks we’ve been here. I’ve heard the doctor talking to the nurses telling them that he doesn’t think that the life support is doing her much good, that soon they will have to take it away. I don’t think mum will survive without this, so why would they take it away? I just want to see my mum’s big green eyes, my eyes look exactly like hers, that’s the only the only way I look like her. I got my big brown curly hair from my dad, I hate my hair, it’s horrible, my mum has beautiful long straight blonde hair, she looks so pretty, even when she’s in an ugly hospital robe.

I lie down flat on my back, just thinking about all the happy memories we’ve had together, like the summer that she brought me to France, we swam in the sea and ate ice-creams, I wish I could go back to that holiday. Mum has a nick name for me Curly fries because of my long curly hair.  I’d give anything for her to wake up now and say that name, anything.  Suddenly her heart monitor starts beeping faster, doctors rush in, they crowd around my mum. I run over  to the bed, there is no space for me to get in. “What’s happening?” I shout. No one answers me. That’s when I realised, the beeping had stopped.



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