Just puntastic

by Rhianna Mason

What was the teacher saying? I try focusing on what he’s blabbering on about, but I end up doing that thing where you focus so much on focusing that you can’t focus…. And now I’m not listening again! Focus! FOCUS!!

The principal made it very clear that if I get into trouble one more time I’ll get suspended!

But it’s not my fault that Ms. Millards put her hair too close to the Bunsen  burner! Trouble just always seems to find me!

Ok, I can do this! He’s writing down numbers on the board….and…..Where the hell did that x come from?!

I look across the table to see my friend Sasha asleep, and I don’t mean that she isn’t  listening, I mean she is literally asleep. With her head propped on her hand and drool coming out of her mouth. Ew! I should really wake her up before she gets in trouble… oh well. I’m surprised the teacher hasn’t noticed my half-dead (A.K.A. asleep)  companion across from me by now!

‘Pssssst’ I hear somebody whisper. ‘psssssssssst!’. I  swivel in my chair (quite fabulously I must say) to see my other friend, Leya, trying to pass me a crumpled piece of paper. When I don’t respond straight away she chucks the paper at my head.

‘Hey!’ I exclaim a little too loudly.

The teacher (I have no idea what he’s trying to teach us at this point) turns his icy glare on me.  I swear if looks could kill, id have croaked it by now. I give him my best angelic smile, trying to radiate innocence.  Apparently it works, ‘cause he turns back to the scratchy black board.

I snatch up the paper from the floor, and do my best to unfold the crumpled mess without ripping it. On it a math pun is scrawled: “What did the mathematician rename her parrot after it died? Polygon!!!” I look over to Leya, with my best “bish please!” face.

I really do not have time for puns! I’m too busy being the perfect model student!

Leya looks like she is about to burst with laughter, her face is going purple with the strain of not laughing. I hope she doesn’t pop a vain! That would not be good.

I try to turn my attention back to the board, but only see more letters and numbers. That’s it I give up all hope! I an DOOMED to be hopeless at maths for the remainder of my days! It’s a tragedy! I do a mental sob.

I feel something hit the back of my head. I turn to see Leya thrusting her hands at the floor beneath my chair. I raise an eyebrow questioningly but then realise what she’s implying. I bend down to see another piece of murdered paper. If this is another maths pun I swear!

It’s not one maths pun…. Its TWO maths puns!! Kill me now!

Here are the awful puns:

“I’m bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me!,

&  Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.”

Oh god help her! I will have to help her overcome her addiction to puns another time, like seriously – where the hell is she coming up with these?!

It is that moment that I realise the teacher is saying something to me. I zone back into reality just as he stops speaking. Oh Sugar Honey Ice Tea! What did he asked me?! I try to look like I’m in deep thought about the question. Focus! A suspension is at stake here!. Ok I’m just gonna have to guess an answer!

‘umm… 5x?’ I question randomly.

The teacher stares at me menacingly. ‘correct’, he says unhappily

….. Hold up…. Did I just guess the right answer?! Holy flying fish! I’m a genius!! How did I even…. But…… I just can’t even comprehend how fantastic that was!

And that’s when Leya fires another scrunched paper at me. Only this time it misses. As if in slow motion the paper flies past my head And it soars right into Sasha’s face. Sasha springs from her chair onto the floor yelling something about a killer chicken.  Me and Leya burst out laughing as the teacher storms over to us with the most furious expression I have ever seen!

‘You three, to the Ms. Davies office!’ he screeches at us. He ushers us out the door, still yelling at us.

Well it looks like someone’s gonna get suspended!

Mom’s gonna KILL me!

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